When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
do herpes really smell.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize