Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
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His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
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I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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