dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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