Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Randomize