Do you still have your period?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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