This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize