Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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