i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
it wasn't lemon gatorade
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
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