Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
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Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
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I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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