i barfeds in our rink
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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