the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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