My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
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The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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