I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
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I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
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Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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