can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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