Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the jesus of drinking
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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