my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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