you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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