The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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