Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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