You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
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Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
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Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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