John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize