I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
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Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
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I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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