Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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