i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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