Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
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I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
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I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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