at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
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If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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