Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize