How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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