The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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