I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize