We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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