I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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