Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
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my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
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We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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