He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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