May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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