He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
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I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
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Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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