I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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