last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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