..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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