dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize