I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
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He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
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It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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