i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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