$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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