1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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