oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize