i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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