if i can run in heels then i can drive
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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