someone threw a dead crab at me
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
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I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
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I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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