Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My ATM looks so different sober.
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I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
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My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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