i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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